Kanda's Unamused Musings
by lulusuzakuforlife
Summary: In which Kanda questions the intelligence level of his comrades.


Disclaimer: If we owned D. Grayman, it would have ended a hundred chapters ago.

**Kanda's Unamused Musings**

(Chapters 179 and 180 as told from Kanda's POV.)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

A harsh, desperate cry filled my ears as I suppressed the desire to quickly turn my head. Taking ones eyes off the enemy is a mistake an amateur would make, and I, Kanda Yu, am no amateur.

What is that little brat trying to do now? This is why I hate little children. No logic. They are so overly emotional, so prone to emotional outbursts. And so naive. Does he think that yelling "No" would make the akuma stop? Oh yes. The akuma will totally stop ripping your precious friend to pieces simply because you tell it too. Totally. And beansprout here will stop being short simply if he tells himself to grow. Yes! It's all about belief!!! If you have faith, anything is possible!

Tch, Irritating fools. We already have our hands full fighting these akuma, and now we have to protect these fools who throw themselves into danger and attract unwanted attention to themselves. Too much work. Maybe they have a death wish. Marie's already lost two fingers, beansprout is down, and I'm too far to reach her. What in the world is the brat doing now? Don't rush your opponent when you can't do anything. If you want to save someone, you need to be strong enough to protect both yourself and the other person. In this case, the person you need to protect is like a dead weight.

Ok....now the kid has just collapsed. I have no words to describe this stupidity, none.

This farce is getting out of control. I stood rooted to the spot, unable to comprehend that such idiots actually existed in this world of would be a very good time to purchase a ticket to our parallel dimension. Even if I had to pay Road for it. But the Level 2's actions surprised me even more. What in the world was it doing? I would have said it fell in love with that girl, if I didn't know that it was an akuma. Then again, love seems to defy all laws of logic. And common sense. Perhaps, however unlikely, maybe akuma can love others. Right. What am I saying. Must be the brain cell-killing influence of the idiots I'm surrounded by.

Jerking my thoughts back to the present, I tried to find a way to deal with all this. So first, the kid collapses and then the Level 2 starts acting weird. Then it hit me in a stroke of genius intuition. The kid managed to possess the Level 2. Hm...perhaps the brat could do something after all.

At least, that's one less enemy we had to deal with. As soon as I thought that, I became angry. If he could possess akuma, why didn't he choose a higher level one to possess? That would have been much smarter. Sighing to myself, I decided that it wasn't worth the effort. He was a brat, and doesn't understand the difference anyway. My four hours of sleep the night before began catching up to me. I decided I could just let the kid handle it. No need to get my hands dirty. Just when I though things were getting better, it took a turn for the worse.

The kid/level 2 starts talking to thin air, or at least that's what it seems like to others. Now is a very very bad time for him to lose his tenuous grasp on reality. Cursing the brat, I considered stepping in. I didn't want to get screwed over because some kid loses control. If he isn't used to using his innocence, he might attack anyone. Having another exorcist out of commission, would be extremely bad for us in this situation.

For now, the best course of action is simply to observe what happens, and seize any opportunity given to me. The boy seemed to have zoned out. Scowling, I could only curse these incompetent amateurs. They have no experience in combat. Resisting the temptation to rip my hair and scream in frustration, I tightened my grip on Mugen, ready to jump in. I needed to show this boy how a professional works. But before I jumped in, the Level 2 started moving again. I decided to wait once more. This was starting to feel like a game of Red Light Green Light.

Evidently, the brat has figured out how to use his weapon.

...I spoke too soon.

I was growing increasingly bored and annoyed with the situation. Even if he was controlling an akuma, there is a fundamental difference between level 2's and level 3's. And as expected, the brat was getting beaten up. When the brat's body started moving and yelling again with a different accent from before, I wondered if I should be getting more sleep. But as the Japanese say, 4 hours of sleep means you live, and 5 hours means you die.

Unfortunately, I had no more time to ponder what was happening with the brat as the Level 4 seems to have decided that our break was over. I took my stance with Mugen in front of me as the three of us prepared to take on the other two akuma. Hopefully, they'll be smart enough to realize we're more of a threat and not go after the brat. When the Level 3 moved to kill the brat, a surge of anger went through me. How dare they think that just the Level 4 was enough to take all three of us on.

For once in his life, beansprout offers useful advice: run. The kid did not lose the confused expression on his face. I had the sinking suspicion he was working out in his mind that 3 was a bigger number than two. I saw his eyes go blank again. Curse the boy, he's probably going to try again. Shaking my head at his stupidity, I focused on dealing with the situation at hand. Let the kid have his fun. If he dies, well, at least he'll have learned his lesson. I knew he would fail.

The strange thing is that the brat's body suddenly fell as well. When the Level 3 neared the brat's body, I realized that we were in trouble. If the body dies, the brat's soul nor the innocence would have anywhere to go. For the umpteenth time that day, I cursed with every word I knew. Still I kept in mind that the hero always shows up at the last possible moment. And that hero would not be me.

But when the Level 3's claws began descending on the boy, I had further proof that fairy tales don't occur in real life. This was good evidence for the thesis I was writing. If I believed in miracles, now would be time. And voila. Evidently, Link managed to de-dollify himself. How convenient. Oh well. At least now, I can focus on beating the Level 4. I'm sure Link can get the Level 3. Finally, it's my time to shine.

**Author's Note:** This work is mostly H's brainchild. She is such a dear, finally unleashing her sarcastic side. And so harsh on that poor kid whose strangely English name I cannot remember. Too bad I'm harsher, though mostly in my mind. I do in fact, dear readers, take reviews into consideration and as such have decided to tone down my sarcasm. And I had candy, so I'm quite drowsy. The plot really isn't going anywhere at this point. But alas, tis always fun to mock the ridiculous idiocy of characters, even if Kanda is rather OOC. _-Y_

Out of all the characters in D. Grayman, I think Kanda is probably the most rational. His character lacks the pronounced angst component that is overly developed in the other characters, making Kanda a good character for sarcasm. The idea started when I read that other people don't hear Timothy's innocence (whose name I've forgotten) and I just couldn't resist. _-H_


End file.
